The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
