I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.