ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
