I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT