Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms