Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.

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  (757): My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed. http://tfl.nu/rjig
  Replies (28) Good night (647) Bad night (5084)
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  (845): View more from New York

  How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?

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  (845): How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old? http://tfl.nu/18lu
  Replies (48) Good night (1248) Bad night (7289)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...

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  (513): I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten... http://tfl.nu/iblb
  Replies (50) Good night (3192) Bad night (5789)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.

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  (508): He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me. http://tfl.nu/9xpz
  Replies (21) Good night (941) Bad night (2982)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Salt in an open wound right now.

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  (301): I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job. (704): How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore? (301): Salt in an open wound right now. http://tfl.nu/m9a1
  Replies (17) Good night (1606) Bad night (5137)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.

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  (312): If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops. http://tfl.nu/hm3g
  Replies (1) Good night (1011) Bad night (2425)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.

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  (910): Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job. http://tfl.nu/jru8
  Replies (6) Good night (3191) Bad night (732)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.

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  (518): I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how. http://tfl.nu/ue8l
  Replies (4) Good night (2236) Bad night (945)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.

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  (905): I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time. http://tfl.nu/shdn
  Replies (13) Good night (513) Bad night (1594)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.

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  (914): Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table. http://tfl.nu/r09f
  Replies (9) Good night (439) Bad night (1028)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.

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  (517): I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable. http://tfl.nu/ueqk
  Replies (7) Good night (1043) Bad night (479)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists

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  (215): An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists http://tfl.nu/ypfg
  Replies (4) Good night (597) Bad night (374)
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  (619): View more from California

  He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.

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  (619): He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft. http://tfl.nu/kmfz
  Replies (1) Good night (301) Bad night (722)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...

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  (904): And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept... http://tfl.nu/rhyx
  Replies (4) Good night (452) Bad night (238)
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  (323): View more from California

  My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.

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  (323): My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink. http://tfl.nu/wbnq
  Replies (1) Good night (516) Bad night (260)

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