my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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