I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
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DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life