and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
