You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.