just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!