Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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