Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
