I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
