I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm gonna fight the coyote
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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