some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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