If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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