I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
