the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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