we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
