It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
