remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
