I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
