One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
