yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
