i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
