In the future we'll all be gay
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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