Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize