i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
