Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
