i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
