I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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