You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
