That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
