i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
