Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
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you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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