How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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