they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
