i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
