once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
