i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
