had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize