Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
