i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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