i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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