If i could tip my vagina, i would.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
