I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
