so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
