Cold hands, warm shart.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
