I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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