Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
