lets start a swedish sibling band together
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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