I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
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If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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