I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
