I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
