I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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