why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
