we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dick very happy bro
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
