id be glad to
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
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I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
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I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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