I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
