I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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