Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
