do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
