Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
