Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
