Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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